you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
