I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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