How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
