Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
