If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
