Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
