Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
