i think i have herpe
just one?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
