i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
