Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
