So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
