If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
