It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fuck appropriateness.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
