do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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