Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
