sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
