Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She bit a glass in half.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
