I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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