i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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