so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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