people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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