I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
