you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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