I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
