his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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