This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
