So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize