You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
where does the pee come out of this thing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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