That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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