That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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