what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize