I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We talked him into tasing himself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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