Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
