I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
