Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
