It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So squirting runs in the family.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
