i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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