Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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