mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
