I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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