He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
