apparently the secret to your success is patron
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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