you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
