that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
