I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize