Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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