She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she looked like the before picture.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it glows. i had to have it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
