I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
