The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
