omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
