Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize