Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
