Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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