If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
