she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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