his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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