suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
