so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
