I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
