She's JV to your varsity
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
