At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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