We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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