Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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