Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
