I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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