Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
