Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
where am i from again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
