Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
