god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
