i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
