She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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