I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
