Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
