Need sex. Gaining weight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
