ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
