i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He better not be in your backpack
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
